DOGGAMIT: IT HURTS

Tipu, the Sultan of my heart, my growing up companion, my comfort fluff and my ever-faithful dog, whom I loved so much that I could never love any other like him, died of cancer.  I didn’t discover this until a week ago.  I didn’t have the courage to ask what happened, what caused it and how my parents handled it.  I was, even after all these years, not prepared to hear the details.

When he died, they just told me he had.  I remember crying for a long time, distraught and with a strong sense of loss. It took a lot out of me to accept his departure.  We had shared many a comforting, silent hugs in my childhood.  He was my go-to guy when things got bad at home.  He was my most welcoming, enthused wagtail when I came home from vacations.  We shared so much.

Over the years, I didn’t loose my affection for dogs.  I just lost the ability to love them so dearly.  Loving Tipu had cost me a lot of heartache and I wasn’t willing to go through it again.

So, when I found my growing children very fond of dogs, I got two, much to my consternation and not completely in sync to my wishes.  Nevertheless, having felt strongly about Tipu, I thought they deserve to experience this kind of affection and attachment in their lives.  I had greatly benefited from the kind of joy, comfort, companionship and love through Tipu, so how could I deny them that.

Taz and Coco, mixed Labradors have been with us for over 12 years.  During that time, the kids have loved them greatly, but I have kept my heart intact, caring for them intermittently, but never feeling the fierce attachment and love I felt for Tipu.  I’ve been called out about this occasionally.  But the heart is what it is.

Now, I discover that both our dogs also have cancer.  And they may have just some time to spend with us.  I don’t know whether its discovering that Tipu too had cancer that is driving me to take more care for them or whether I see Tipu in them writhing in pain.  I wasn’t there to help him.  Am I trying to find my nemesis through Taz and Coco?

Either way, it hurts.